College: Part Two

Part One ended with day one of College Induction. (This is last year Oct 2020. )On day two of the Induction, I’m calling the Learning support Manager to say that my 19 year old won’t be attending. (I will refer to my 19-year-old autistic with an Exposure Anxiety profile youngest child here from now on as “19”, it is literally just easier 😀 ). Of course, I explain how the events of the previous day’s Induction overwhelmed 19. Now their Exposure Anxiety ( EA- the excruciating sense of audience to one’s own existence). I’ll go more into it in another blog post) is now screaming at them, ie-it is just too high, and they just cannot attend regardless of wanting to. 

The negotiations start.

Now, I am usually ready for a battle at this point. Previous experience of years of explaining autism, explaining EA, reminding the powers that be of “reasonable adjustments. The Disability Discriminations laws and the Child and Family Act combined with my post-grad degree in autism have left me armed and ready to fight. 19’s EHCP (Education Health Care Plan) wasn’t finalised during 19’s “gap year” because the pandemic took hold and had to be rushed in August. The fact that it had to be done before 19 started College did not help. I knew all those who needed it would not have it by the time 19 went into Induction. That the college staff were all on their summer break, and rightly so, meant possibly too much was rushed, and therefore, things were undoubtedly missed by the time 19 went into that first Induction day.

Regardless of intentions, covid through a real spanner in the works. There was no fault. It was just reality.

Thankfully the Learning Support Manager (LSM) was and is incredibly understanding. I also made sure that the College had the EHCP as soon as it was updated and finalised. Having 15 years of experience writing valid and workable EHCP’s for 19, it was pretty straightforward to update. This is where my belief in EHCP’s comes in. They are invaluable when written correctly and not worth the paper they are written on poorly written. So I learnt to write them effectively. Because I have over 8 years of experience working as an autism-specific one to one teaching assistant, I also understand from the point of view of those working with autistic children exactly why they can be invaluable. 19’s EHCP details how EA affects them and the best ways to collaborate with 19 in learning the coursework. I refuse to say “teach” because, with 19, it is collaboration or nothing.

Even with the understanding of the LSM, there were hurdles to overcome. Many emails and calls back and forth, video meetings and the first attempt at a “plan” to “get” 19 into College. The first attempt was doomed because at no point did they consider involving 19, realistically. Finally, the plan was decided and delivered to us in a video meeting. I had already explained that 19 actively avoids any video calls, especially if it is with more than one person and would not attend. But they went ahead. So I agreed that I would put the plan to 19 and promised nothing. The plan involved a staggered but in no way gradual transition into college classes. In the meantime, I insisted, and they agreed that 19 could access the classes online live.

I knew this first plan would not work. However, I also knew that the College and 19’s teachers had to realise this themselves. Experience has shown me that many times parents are seen as nothing more than over-sensitive, overbearing and interfering instead of actually often being experts on their children. 19 confirmed the fact completely when the night before they were to “attempt” to physically attend a class instead of online, they were in a thoroughly high stressed state. The only way to reduce stress is to reduce the anxiety, so I told 19 they did not have to go into College. Sounds counterintuitive to many, I’m sure. All of the parental wants, hopes and fears come into play. But knowing 19 as I do, and the fact that our relationship was built on complete trust, as it was the only way I would be able to parent 19 successfully. I knew precisely the place 19 was at, and to not reduce the stress would mean a complete and utter shutdown.

There is no coming back from an EA shut down for 19. That would mean refusal. We’ve experienced that before. The repercussions, the way 19 feels, as a result, the downward spiral and lowering of self-esteem and self-confidence… That would mean never returning to the College, and that could not happen. Yet, 19 wanted to do this course.

So, again start the emails, now with 5 people cc’d and phone calls back and forth. Including a member of staff whom I had to remind that to someone like 19, the social aspects of College mean absolutely nothing, so to even think that would be a motivator was not the way to go.

Just when you think you may not have to educate anyone about autism, you find yourself educating someone about autism. 

Meanwhile, classes start. 19 doesn’t always have the best sleep patterns. Naps were out of the question from a baby onwards, or I would be up at 3 am with a baby entirely and utterly wide awake. Until they became a teenager, 19 slept between 4 and 6 hours maximum.

So, of course, 19 couldn’t attend. Thankfully 19’s teachers got it and understood. One intervened and actually did create a transition plan with 19 that worked. 19 would go into class one day physically, and 19 would attend the other classes remotely. They would then talk one day a week, discussing how it went. 19 quickly progressed to attending physically two classes on the same day. The transition was working on 19’s terms.

Then Lockdown happened again. 

Suddenly all those issues disappeared. That 19 HAD to attend to even pass the course? Gone. No one was attending physically. Suddenly the world flipped in favour of 19. Safe in their room, attending online, albeit at first, was a bit daunting. But with me as emotional support, in the beginning, 19 adapted quickly. Soon I wasn’t needed except to pop in and see how it was going.19 had all the software needed and more since this area was a particular interest. So getting the work done was not a problem. 19 started to thrive. It was joyous to see 19 deep in creating something.

19 was getting work finished early and taking on extension projects. 19 was working in groups and chatting with fellow students in their course online. The creativity poured out of 19. The anxiety of talking in front of a group was slightly there when 19 presented a project to the teachers and a whole group of students in a lower level of the course. But 19 did it, and 19 did it again for their final project. 19 learned to give and take effective critiques. All of this came easier because it was online. The physical space that working online provided allowed other areas to grow and mature because the overriding anxiety about attending physically, with other students all around, the noise, the smells, the classroom, etc. etc. was not there.

19 ended the school year online and received a distinction on the course. Would this have happened had 19 had to attend physically? I don’t know. Something tells me it would have been more challenging to do so. But what completing this course online did give 19 was a massive confidence boost, as did the distinction, obviously. It allowed 19 the time to adjust and process what “going to college” actually meant. It gave time for 19 to transition back into full-time education, regardless of being online. 19 never missed one day of classes unless 19 was genuinely unwell. It was amazing how many of 19’s college course “mates” would just not show on a Friday. 19 was always there,

Attending online also allowed 19 to physically attend every class starting from this past September as 19 progressed to the next level of the media-based course. So the entirety of last year was a transition. A transition that was Lockdown enforced, But a lockdown that worked in favour of 19. 19 has attended every single class and again rising to each challenge.

I wonder how many other Autistic students felt the same. That Lockdown somehow worked for them? I would suggest a good few.